“Children need adults who are convinced of the value of childhood. They need adults who will protect them from the ever-ready molders of their world.” – Mr. Rogers
I wrote this post a few days ago- before the school shooting at the Covenant School in Nashville, Tennessee. I debated whether to publish it because the topic of violence is now once again especially raw. Ultimately, I decided that it was even more relevant to talk about one of the many reasons that children’s minds can be warped and skewed toward violence: namely, the negligence of parents in allowing and even introducing it to their little minds through adult-intended entertainment.
This past weekend I had a bit of unfortunate inspiration when I was seated in the movie theater. My husband and I were there to see a movie that was rated R- almost entirely for violence. Violence is a tricky one. The value of depicting brutal acts onscreen depends a lot on the narrative reason for it and the type of bloodshed. Some films are more worthwhile than others.
As is unfortunately common with R-rated films, though, the movie started with a series of previews that were less worthwhile. While one of these was playing (something horrible about a demon possessed child), I heard a young voice gasp from one of the seats next to me- followed by another. I turned to see two little boys of about 8 and 10, sitting with at least one parent and a couple of teenage siblings. My heart sank.
The movie started, and I found myself constantly distracted, viewing it not through the lens of an adult anymore, but instead through that of an 8-year-old child. Every on-screen death made me cringe as I caught a glance at the little people ingesting it silently, eyes wide open. This movie was surprisingly light on expletives for its rating, but there were still too many for little children- who don’t need any at all.
My brush with this family brought to mind a book I recently finished: The Gift of Fear. The book was written by Gavin de Becker, a criminal profiler (and so much more) who worked for the FBI for decades. The book is a manual on criminal behaviors and on ways to trust your gut to keep yourself safe.
De Becker included a chapter in his book called “Fear of Children,” which was perhaps the hardest to read. He detailed cases of kids who were neglected, abused, and disturbed. These kids went on to commit horrific crimes. When describing the influences on one of these young criminals, he described it thus: “James was not the only young man who spent more time consuming media products than he spent on any other activity in his waking life. He was an avid patron of the violence division of the entertainment industry. In Selling Out America’s Children, David Walsh likens it to ‘a guest in our families that advocates violence, but we don’t throw him out.’” He continued with another quote, “television exposes children to behavior that man spent centuries protecting them from.”
Let me emphasize that again because I think it’s powerful.
“A guest in our families that advocates violence, but we don’t throw him out.” What an excellent comparison. Very few parents would invite someone into their home who would openly expose their children to the violence, sexual content, and profanity that they’ll readily allow them to see on screen.
“Exposes children to behavior that man spent centuries protecting them from.” Again profound. The entertainment industry is churning out content that uncovers the worst of human nature. In some cases, these shows and movies are interesting psychological studies for adults to contemplate or maybe just pieces of entertainment that they as mature humans are equipped to handle. The same doesn’t apply to kids.
In childhood, everything a little one sees forms their worldview. It cements their schemas for situations, people, and behaviors. Kids are constantly learning what to fear, what to copy, and what to value. When a stressful or harmful topic is introduced repeatedly through entertainment, the scenario is normalized. The child is taught to view it as either exhilarating or inconsequential. Even worse, in order to emotionally handle it, they sometimes have to kill the part of their little mind that rightfully fears it or knows it to be dangerous- a tragic coping mechanism.
When contemplating the movie last night and all the other times I’ve seen little people inhabiting just such seats that were above their mental and emotional paygrade, I can’t help but be cynical. I can’t think of any good reason those children should have been in that theater. The movie was straightforward. The parents weren’t surprised by the content. The rating was Restricted.
I believe the only reason they were there is because the parents and teens wanted to see that movie and taking the little ones was easier than getting a babysitter. It may also be the case that the parents routinely expose the children to age inappropriate content because they’re numb to it themselves and refuse to think critically about its effect on children. Either way- it’s selfish.
The good news is, every day is a new day. We all make mistakes, and we all do things of varying degrees of selfishness. If you’re the parent who’s had your little one in the theater (or the living room) and they really shouldn’t have been- start new tomorrow. You’re not chained to a bad pattern.
If your kids are now used to a type of media that your conscience has been nagging you about, then maybe it’s time for a hard conversation about how you’re going to pull back on some of these shows and movies because you’ve been thinking about what’s best for them. They’re not going to like it in the short term, but it will pay dividends in the long term. The sooner you reverse course, the easier it will be for them to get back on track, too.
If struggling with what to allow, meditate on this verse: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8
Isn’t that a beautiful thought for our kids, and isn’t it what every parent really wants for them? The time will come for them to come face-to-face with the worst aspects of the world- but don’t let it be you that exposed them with a laugh and a bucket of popcorn.
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Jackie Chea is a blogger from San Antonio, Texas who holds a B.A. in Psychology and an M.A. in Community Counseling from the University of Texas at San Antonio. She writes on political and cultural issues from a conservative, religious standpoint. She lives in the Lone Star State with her husband Nick, her 5-year-old son Lincoln, and her rescue dogs. |
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