In an effort to escape the austere image of old, I fear that Christianity may currently be experiencing an over-correction. At times, the more popular error for adherents was harshness. To erase that mistake, are we reducing ourselves to cheerleaders, jumping up and down and waving our pompoms as if to say, “That’s not us! We are FRIENDLY!!!”?
Many Christians are now working harder to appear sunny and bright than perhaps anything else. They are thus unknowingly stumbling into the pitfall of believing that they MUST be liked by every person they meet to confirm that their faith is positive. Failure to secure universal regard feels to them like a Christian failing. They have smiles plastered on their faces. They must always be happy, always supportive, and always encouraging. If they have any personal struggle, they must be at least in the process of claiming victory over it as an example for all who see them. Even more dangerously, they must never say anything that could rub someone the wrong way. Their happiness and friendliness- rather than Christ’s redeeming work- is the core message of their Christian witness.
By painting this picture of The Friendly Christian, I do not mean to imply that it would be preferable to be an antagonistic or an unkind person. Of course, if we have the joy of God within us, that should be evident. As Luke 6:44 says, “For each tree is known by its own fruit. Indeed, people do not gather figs from thornbushes, or grapes from brambles.” My point is only that the fruit of our faith does not necessarily correlate with how many friends we make, particularly in a secular culture that often rejects God’s message. If anyone dislikes us because of our callousness or our anger or our hatred, then we are NOT bearing good fruit or reflecting God’s image. However, if we are rejected because our message is hard to accept and harder still to follow, then that is merely what we have been told to expect and what we have had modeled for us.
It is helpful to remember sometimes that there were very few heroes of the Bible who were particularly well received by the societies in which they lived. In the New Testament alone, the protagonists were widely despised (to say nothing of the Old Testament prophets and their general unpopularity). Paul was imprisoned and beaten countless times. Nearly every disciple of Jesus was martyred. John the Baptist was beheaded. Stephen was stoned. Jesus Himself was killed after many attempts to silence Him. All of these men were beloved by their own intimate circles, but they were hated by so many.
The Biblical titans were not despised, however, because they were ornery or difficult to get along with or judgmental, but because their message was threatening to those who heard it. Like them, if we are rejected it should not be because of our failure to live the Gospel but because the Gospel itself has been rejected. Our model is given in 1 Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” Our prayer should always be that Christ’s message will be heard and accepted and that we will be the very best conveyors of its truths, but if we have done this with honesty and integrity, then we have not failed.
When embracing the idea of possibly being disliked by society, we have two potential pitfalls. The first is that we will water down our message and comfort ourselves that we are doing so in order to win more converts. As Ravi Zacharias so aptly said, “If they compromise too much, there’s no substance left…Give up all the substance of the Gospel and think you’ll win them over. What are you winning them to? You’re winning them to the re-definitions, cast in the image of their own desires.”
The second and opposite danger is that we will incur the dislike of those we encounter and attribute it to our message when it actually IS a product of our failure to follow Christ’s commandments ourselves. If we do not follow Peter’s directive to share the Gospel with love and respect and then we point the finger at those we have offended with our boorishness, then we have missed the mark. The second part of Ravi’s quote was this: “…No, we do not need to change the message, but I do think we need to think seriously of how poorly we have done in hearing the questions, in how poorly we have done in answering the questions, and how careful we need to be in navigating this terrain, because wrong words and wrong perceptions can have catastrophic ramifications for the message.”
In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with being liked. I know many Christians who are very well-liked, and rightly so! There is no shame in being popular or having a good personality or appealing to others because or your kindness. In fact, we would hope that Christians would attract others based on their warm-heartedness. My point is only that it should not be the primary goal of our Christianity to win friends. If we find that our desire to be liked is weakening our zeal for the message, then it has become a stumbling block. If we feel that we cannot reveal a chink in our perfect veneer because a “good Christian” should not show struggles or weaknesses, then it has become an unnecessary burden. Worst of all, if we associate only friendliness or happiness with the message of Jesus Christ, then we may actually turn others away. After all, I know many wonderful, happy, and friendly unbelievers. Why do they need our faith when they can get that anywhere? We must show kindness, but we must offer something additional- the Good News of the redeeming work of Christ on the cross. This revolutionary story cannot be found in any other friendly circle, and it is the one most worth sharing!
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Jackie Chea is a blogger from San Antonio, Texas who holds a B.A. in Psychology and an M.A. in Community Counseling from the University of Texas at San Antonio. She writes on political and cultural issues from a conservative, religious standpoint. She lives in the Lone Star State with her husband Nick, her 5-year-old son Lincoln, and her rescue dogs. |
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